“So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth.” 1 John 1:6 (NLT)
Only God can turn the light of love on in a marriage. The Bible tells us that we are only deceiving ourselves when we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. If the lights have gone out in your marriage, the great news is that God can turn them back on! It begins when we step into His light! God is light, and His light enables us to have fellowship with Him and one another. Once we step into His light, we must continue to go on living in that light! That takes practice. If you want to quit living in spiritual darkness with a relationship that’s just surviving, you must practice the truth. Practicing the truth involves learning new insights and applying them day by day. Left alone, relationships tend to drift into the dark. Living in the light takes practice every day.
For example, when God turns the light of love on in a marriage, He says,
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” Romans 12:10 (NLT)
How do you do that? By meeting one another’s needs. Love is meeting needs. While only God can meet our deepest needs, He designed us to also meet one another’s needs in special ways that build intimacy with genuine affection. When we take delight in honoring each other by meeting those needs, our relationships thrive. As we intentionally meet those needs, we are practicing the truth, enabling us to live in the light and experience real fellowship with one another.
A common mistake we make in meeting one another’s needs is assuming we have the same needs. We don’t. In his book, His Needs, Her Needs, psychologist and marriage counselor, Dr. Willard Harley, Jr., sheds light on the differences between the needs of most husbands and wives. As couples identify those unique needs and take intentional steps meeting them, their relationships begin to thrive!
We all share three basic needs: love, security and companionship; yet, we are different in the way those basic needs are met. For most men to feel loved, it means sexual intimacy while, for most women, it means to feel treasured. The Bible speaks about these unique differences in many passages.
“Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-3 (MSG)
“A truly good wife is the most treasure a man can find!” Proverbs 31:10 (CEV)
Sexual fulfillment is not selfish. It is a God-given need. While it’s a husband’s love language, a wife longs to feel treasured. When either need is unmet, it can cause the light to go out in a marriage. If you want God to restore the power that turns the light of love on in your marriage, consider how intentional you are in meeting your spouse’s needs. You may treasure your wife, but does she feel treasured? In what ways can you restore sexual intimacy with your husband?
Quit living in spiritual darkness. As you practice the truth, you’ll be surprised how quickly God will restore the power that turns the light of His love back on in your marriage!