Then Peter came to Him and asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times? No, not seven times, Jesus replied,but seventy times seven!  Matt. 18:21, 22 (NLT)

Peter must have felt so spiritual when he suggested forgiving someone up to seven times. After all, the rabbis taught that three times was sufficient. But, Jesus shocked him when He responded, “No, not seven times, but seventy times seven!” 490 times! Who could keep count of that many sins? Maybe that was the point Jesus was trying to make. By the time you’ve forgiven someone 490 times, you’ve developed a habit of forgiving. The choice to forgive comes from a heart of love, and the Bible says,

Love keeps no record of wrongs.  (1 Cor. 13:5 NIV)

But, the forgiveness Jesus spoke of was never meant to be careless or shallow. Sometimes, we fail to forgive because we misunderstand what forgiveness really means. Forgiveness is a choice of the will. It isn’t a matter of feelings. No one feels like forgiving. It is a supernatural choice that is intentional and repetitive. Every time the hurt comes to mind from an offense, you choose to forgive again. Forgiveness is not minimizing the hurt or living in denial that it didn’t hurt – or that it’s no big deal. That’s another misunderstanding about Biblical forgiveness. The hurt is real, and the pain can linger. Forgiveness is preventing the hurt from turning into hate and becoming a prisoner to bitterness. If you’ve ever been deeply hurt, you know what I mean. You can easily become a victim and lose your victory in Christ, living in self-pity and anger. God never intended us to live as a victim but as a victor! We can take the hurt to Jesus and say as He said from the cross, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” God knows your pain and offers healing when you choose to forgive others, just as you have been forgiven in Christ.

One other misunderstanding about forgiveness has to do with trust. Forgiveness isn’t the same thing as trust. When we’ve been hurt, we can choose to forgive immediately, but trust takes time to rebuild. How are you doing in the area of forgiveness? Are you holding onto hurt? Make the choice to forgive and release the pain to God. Let Him heal the hurt in your heart and release the offender to the God who judges justly.

  1. Hello, I have been raised in church my entire life and as a teenager my walk was awesome! I knew I could really do all things through Christ but as I got older and life happened my walk has suffered. I was married at a much to young age, and we got away from church. I lost my mother in 2008 & like many others I got angry with God & held on to that and let it drive a wedge between us. Then I got angry with myself for getting mad at my creator, the one who loves me better than any one else will ever be able to. So I am now at a place that I know I need to come back to him but it’s been a struggle and I use it as a crutch to just stay out of church all together but I am now a mother and am fully aware that my biggest call as there mother is to teach them the love of Christ & I am failing… which brings me to why I am really emailing you. I have divorced and remarried a wonderful man and we have two children together and he has 2 from previous marriages who are older. His youngest of the 2 lived with us for 4 yrs. (15-19) during those yrs I loved her as my own, she called me mom and had nothing to do with her birth mother, we walked beside her through so very much and when she left for college she has decided to tell a bunch of lies about her father and I and refuses to talk to us now and has dropped out of college and moved about 2hours away with her boyfriend. The hurt I feel is enormous and so very deep. I know i need to forgive her for me. But does forgiveness mean continuing to let her hurt me? I mean can I say I forgive her but choose not to let her back in my life? Although that doesn’t sound like true forgiveness to me, but were we meant to be in relationships that are hurtful and dishonest? I love her but I cannot continue to hurt and still be the wife, mother and person I need to be. I just don’t know what to do.

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