“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
God designed us for companionship. When He created everything in the garden, He said it was all good except for one thing. It’s interesting to me that, before man disobeyed and sin ever entered the picture, God noticed something wasn’t good. What could possibly not be good in God’s perfect creation? God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Many women believe that God looked at Adam and said, “I think I can do better,” so He created Eve! But, the truth is that God knew man required a companion suited for his needs. Both men and women share a need for companionship in their marriage. Yet, part of the mystery in marriage is understanding what men need in contrast to what most women need. While our motives are sincere, often conflict occurs when we don’t understand those differences. When we try to meet our mate’s need for companionship out of our own need, we often wonder why it’s not working. So, what’s the difference? For most women, companionship is relational and conversational. No offense ladies, but that really isn’t on a man’s radar when it comes to companionship. For most men, companionship is sexual and recreational. Verbal affirmation and nonsexual touch may meet a woman’s need for companionship, but most men feel desired and loved through physical connection and sexual fulfillment. Is it any wonder why couples struggle to connect when it comes to meeting each other’s need for companionship? The challenge for men is to choose love over lust. I read a recent study that over 60% of men within the church are addicted to pornography. Because men are visually stimulated and with the accessibility of pornography today, I’m not surprised that so many men struggle in this area! Lust is a perversion of a legitimate need for love and companionship that God designed in men. Men are wired to notice if they see a beautiful woman. It has nothing to do with their love for their wives. This is not an excuse, though, to keep looking. Job dealt with this in his life by making a proactive commitment. He said, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” Job 31:1 (NLT)Pornography is so destructive to a marriage and disables a man from having a healthy sexual relationship with his wife. You may need to not only make a covenant with your eyes but also get a filter for your computer and block some cable channels from your TV. In 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, the Apostle Paul challenges men, “Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” Choose love over lust! This past weekend I was so proud of the men who stood in every service at our church as they made a public commitment to be that kind of man! Ladies, affirm that commitment in your husbands. Encourage them in this battle. It is every man’s battle. Work together to meet the unique God-given need for companionship in your marriage and watch how your intimacy and unity will grow!